All-But-Dissertation Blues

To the tune of House of the Rising Sun. And you're lucky I don't have a backing band.

There is a stage in grad school
They call the ABD
It's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And Lord, it's got to me

My adviser was a madman
He taught me pure theory
My committee's full of geniuses
They never will agree

Now the only thing a grad student needs
Is a laptop and caffeine
But there's no way to escape
Being ABD

Oh mothers tell your children
Not to follow me
Waste your lives in irrelevance
Being ABD

Well I got my research interests
And there's nobody to blame
I'm going for a post-doc
To wear that ball and chain

Well, there is a stage in grad school
They call the ABD
It's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And Lord, it's got to me